Master Of The Stars by Mbo

Welcome aboard! What a surprise!
This is the starship Enterprise
I am Picard, ready to serve
How would you like to try an hors d'oevre?
Would you like a trip 'round the Fleet's flagship?
Here's a napkin from the Captain and a tip (bum bum bum)

Master of the stars, keeper of the ship

I get in so much danger that you'll prob'ly flip
Pulling on my shirt is what I like to do
Makes me feel important and inspiring, too.
Can you sense the rising pressure? When we go to warp-speed eight
Sure we could go slower, but who wants to go at such a rate?

Master of the stars, bloke who's in command
Ruling on the bridge with an iron hand
Sit down Number One! I can't even think!
(A problem with the sensors and he makes a stink!)
Data won't fire those phasers at that little plantet's sun?
I'm so bloody bored, all day long I've chored
I just want to have a little fun!

Master of the stars! Galaxy's my home!
A hundred million places for this ship to roam!
Glowing warp nacelles make us go and come
As long as we have lots of fresh dilithium!
Some stuff on this ship is destined
To sit in dust, and rust, and rot
Can you say exactly when you've ever seen the Captain's Yacht?

Now what was that the Doctor had said?
Something about a smashed bio-bed?
Down in Sick Bay, it's a big bore
Analyses will make you snore!
My hands I wish could lay on a hypospray
Raising heck around the deck, and then I'd say:

Hey there, Mister Worf! You brute! Take this! Take this!
Next time shooting Romulans you will not miss!
Take this little Wes! You're really quite a pest!
Never contradict me, or you'll face arrest!
Geordie--let us go much faster! This speed's unsatisfactory!
Pump up those big engines--I want to see Warp 23!

Take a ride in space? Whatever you say, sir!
Tonight we've got a rendezvous with Voyager!
A little change of scene is just what I mean
Visiting the places where I've never been
Right into the Delta Quadrant, right into the Kazon's lair
We'll give them all a present that will make them lose their ugly hair!

Every once in a while, there will be a day
When I want to transport to a rugby game!

Master of the stars! Tooting on my flute!
Annoying all my neighbors like a knavish snoot!
But still I'm going bald (for reasons unresolved)
My fish's a lot of fun, his name is Livingston
There is no one bigger in hist'ry, and you may regard
Me as the greatest ever--Captain Jean-Luc Picard!

Drink to me with hot Earl Grey!
There's one thing I'd like to say!
I'm cooler than Mars, yes I'm the master of the stars!

© Matthew Richards, 1996